6 Lessons for Handling Stress

Take a deep breath. Now exhale slowly. You're probably not aware of it, but your heart has just slowed down a bit. Not to worry; it will speed up again when you inhale. This regular-irregular beat is a sign of a healthy interaction between heart and head. Each time you exhale, your brain sends a signal down the vagus nerve to slow the cardiac muscle. With each inhale, the signal gets weaker and your heart revs up. Inhale, beat faster. Exhale, beat slower. It's an ancient rhythm that helps your heart last a lifetime. And it leads to lesson No. 1 in how to manage stress and avoid burnout. NO. 1 REMEMBER TO BREATHE EVOLUTION HAS BEQUEATHED TO OUR BRAINS A variety of mechanisms for handling the ups and downs of life--from built-in chemical circuit breakers that shut off the stress hormones to entire networks of nerves whose only job is to calm you down. The problem, in the context of our always wired, always on-call world, is that they all require that you take regular breaks from your normal routine--and not just an occasional weekend trip. You can try to ignore the biological need to periodically disengage, but there's growing evidence that it will eventually catch up with you. Insurance claims for stress, depression and job burnout are now the U.S.'s fastest-growing disability category. Making matters worse, Americans tend to cope with stress in all the wrong ways. A November survey by the advocacy group Mental Health America found that we frequently deal with chronic stress by watching television, skipping exercise and forgoing healthy foods. The problem with these coping mechanisms is that they keep you from doing things that help buffer your stress load--like exercising or relaxing with friends or family--or add greater stress to your body. Indeed, using many of our most cherished time-saving gadgets can backfire. Cell phones and mobile e-mail devices--to give just two examples--make it harder to get away from the office to decompress. Working from home may, in some cases, exacerbate the situation because it isolates employees while simultaneously blurring the line between work and leisure. We also have a lot of misconceptions about who gets stressed out and why. Twenty years ago, psychologists almost exclusively blamed job stress on high workloads or lack of control on the job. More recent studies, says Christina Maslach, a pioneer in burnout research at the University of California, Berkeley, show that unfairness and a mismatch in values between employees and their companies play an increasing role in triggering stress. "Probably one of the strongest predictors is when there's a vacuum of information--silence about why decisions were made the way they were," Maslach says. "Another is having to operate in conflict with your values. Do you need to shade the truth to get authorization from the insurance company? Are you selling things that you know people don't really need?" NO. 2 STRESS ALTERS YOUR BLOOD CHEMISTRY FOR YEARS PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE concentrated on the behavioral symptoms of burnout: lost energy, lost enthusiasm and lost confidence. Now, thanks to new brain scans and more sophisticated blood tests, scientists can directly measure some of the effects of stress on mind and body--often with surprising results. You are probably familiar with the signs of an adrenaline surge (racing pulse, hairs on the neck standing on end), which evolved to help us fight or flee predators and other immediate dangers. And you may have heard of cortisol, another stress hormone, which is produced more slowly than adrenaline and lingers in the bloodstream longer. But did you know that too little cortisol in your bloodstream can be just as bad as too much? Or that tucking into comfort foods, while soothing in the short term, can sabotage your long-term stress response by increasing the number of inflammatory proteins in your body? What's emerging is a complex picture of the body's response to stress that involves several interrelated pathways. Scientists know the most about cortisol because until now that has been the easiest part to measure. "But when one thing changes, all the others change to some degree," says Bruce McEwen, a neuroendocrinologist at Rockefeller University who has spent decades studying the biology of stress, primarily in animals. So just because you see an imbalance in one area doesn't mean you understand why it is happening. "We're learning that post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), burnout, chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia are all related in some ways," McEwen says. The next step is to figure out if there are any genetic predispositions that tip the response to stress toward one set of symptoms or another. NO. 3 YOU CAN'T AVOID STRESS EVEN GETTING OUT OF BED CAN BE TOUGH ON THE BODY. SEVERAL hours before you wake each morning, a tiny region at the base of your cerebrum called the hypothalamus sends a signal that ultimately alerts your adrenal glands, which sit on top of your kidneys, to start pumping out cortisol, which acts as a wake-up signal. Cortisol levels continue to rise after you become conscious in what is sometimes referred to as the "Oh, s___! It's another day" response. This may help explain why so many heart attacks and strokes occur between 6 a.m. and 8 a.m. Because cortisol is a long-acting hormone, you can dally under the covers a bit without losing any steam. But your brain is already taking steps to protect you from the shock of starting a new day. Rising cortisol levels signal the hypothalamus to stop sounding the alarm. Other parts of the brain chime in, and eventually the adrenal glands ratchet down their cortisol production. In other words, the brain's stress response contains its own off switch. Most people's cortisol, as measured by a saliva test, peaks a few hours after waking. Levels then gradually decline during the course of the day--with a few blips scattered here and there. That pattern typically changes, however, in people who are severely depressed. Their cortisol level still rises early in the morning, but it stays high all day long. It's almost as if their hypothalamus has forgotten how to turn off the stress response. (Intriguingly, people who are sleep deprived also exhibit a high, flat cortisol level.) Researchers figured something similar had to be happening in burnout victims. But rather than finding a prominent cortisol peak, investigators discovered a shallow bump in the morning followed by a low, flattened level throughout the day. Intriguingly, such blunted cortisol responses are also common among Holocaust survivors, rape victims and soldiers suffering from PTSD. The difference seems to be that people with PTSD are much more sensitive to cortisol at even these low levels than those with burnout. "We used to blame everything on high cortisol," says Rachel Yehuda, a neurochemist and PTSD expert at the Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. "Now we can blame things on low cortisol as well." NO. 4 STRESS CAN AGE YOU BEFORE YOUR TIME SCIENTISTS HAVE LONG SUSPECTED THAT unremitting stress does damage to the immune system, but they weren't sure how. Then two years ago, researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, looked at white blood cells from a group of mothers whose children suffered from chronic disorders like autism or cerebral palsy. The investigators found clear signs of accelerated aging in those study subjects who had cared the longest for children with disabilities or who reported the least control over their lives. The changes took place in microscopic structures called telomeres, which are often compared to the plastic wrappers on the ends of shoelaces and which keep chromosomes from shredding. As a general rule, the youngest cells boast the longest telomeres. But telomeres in the more stressed-out moms were significantly shorter than those of their counterparts, making them, from a genetic point of view, anywhere from nine to 17 years older than their chronological age. NO. 5 STRESS IS NOT AN EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER IN 1995, IN A NOW CLASSIC EXPERIMENT, SCIENTISTS AT THE University of Trier in Germany subjected 20 male volunteers to a situation guaranteed to raise their stress levels: participating in a mock job interview and solving arithmetic problems in front of strangers who corrected them if they made mistakes. As expected, each subject's cortisol level rose at first. But by the second day of the trial, most of the men's cortisol levels did not jump significantly. Experience had taught them that the situation wasn't that bad. Seven of the men, however, exhibited cortisol spikes every bit as high on the fourth day as the first. Only by the fifth day did their stress reaction begin to disappear. More recently, researchers have found that subjects with low self-esteem are more vulnerable to stress. Jens Pruessner at McGill University in Montreal believes that the hippocampus, a finger-size structure located deep in the brain, is at least partially responsible. It turns out that the hippocampus, which helps you form new memories and retrieve old ones, is particularly sensitive to the amount of cortisol flooding your cerebrum. So when cortisol levels begin to rise, the hippocampus sends a set of signals that help shut down the cortisol cascade. Using several different types of brain scans, Pruessner has shown that people who test below average on self-esteem also tend to have smaller-than-average hippocampi. The differences become clear only when you compare groups of people, Pruessner notes, so you can't look at any single person's brain scan and determine whether he or she has low self-esteem. But when you look at overall results, they suggest that a smaller hippocampus simply has more trouble persuading the rest of the brain to turn off the stress response. Still unclear is how the body goes from having repeated activation of the stress response to showing the typically blunted cortisol levels of someone suffering from burnout. "We are still studying this," says Samuel Melamed of Tel Aviv University in Israel. "But if there is no relief and the cortisol stays up for long periods of time, the body stops responding and readjusts the level." NO. 6 THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO RELIEVE STRESS THIS IS PROBABLY THE TOUGHEST LESSON TO INTERNALIZE BECAUSE when stress overwhelms the system, your choices often seem more limited than they are. Behavioral scientists have a name for this psychological reaction. They call it learned helplessness, and they have studied the phenomenon closely in laboratory rodents, whose nervous system bears striking similarities to that of humans. Here's how the experiment works: if you provide mice with an escape route, they typically learn very quickly how to avoid a mild electrical shock that occurs a few seconds after they hear a tone. But if the escape route is blocked whenever the tone is sounded, and new shocks occur, the mice will eventually stop trying to run away. Later, even after the escape route is cleared, the animals simply freeze at the sound of the tone--despite the fact that they once knew how to avoid the associated shock. Obviously, humans have more intellectual resources at their disposal than mice do, but the underlying principle remains. When too many of the rules change, when what used to work doesn't anymore, your ability to reason takes a hit. Just being aware of your nervous system's built-in bias toward learned helplessness in the face of unrelieved stress can help you identify and develop healthy habits that will buffer at least some of the load (see box). But the one thing you should not do is ignore the risks. Animal research has shown that there is a relatively small window for reversing the physiological effects of chronic stress. Studies of people are starting to produce similar results. Once a person's cortisol level gets completely blunted, it seems to stay that way for years. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones not to let that happen.

5 Golden Rules For Life Enhancement

5 Golden Rules For Life Enhancement

• Find your purpose through your passion, and your passion through your purpose. • Let your values determine your behavior, and your behavior determine your values. • Develop consistency through self-dicipline, and self-discipline through consistency. • Improve your relationships through deeper connection, and deepen your connection through improved relationships. • Open your heart to joy and compassion, and let joy and compassion open your heart.

Great salesmanship starts with a motivated salesperson!

Rhetorical tricks and clever devices, even if they're occasionally effective, don't make great salespeople; hard-working, self-motivated, optimistic people do. The cold, hard truth is that there really isn't any big secret to sales success. There's only the simple truth: motivated, positive, goal-oriented peoples are usually the ones who sell the most. 16 rock-solid rules 1) They have a great attitude and always do more than they're supposed to do. 2) They see themselves successful. 3) They don't prejudge; they don't assume; they don't minimize themselves, their prospects or their clients. 4) They are goal oriented. They have written specific goals and strategic plans for their lives, careers and business. 5) They are self-motivated. 6) Successful salespeople are in control. 7) They constantly practice and prepare. 8) They see and talk to more people than anyone else and get more people to say NO to them. 9) They take action! 10) They are persistent. 11) They sell more than just the product or service; because they understand who the customer is and what they really want. 12) They consistently create and sell value, rather than get stuck on selling price. 13) They understand that speed and ease are the two biggest benefits you can deliver to a customer. 14) They act as experts, advisers and resources to their clients, always ready to provide them with knowledge, expertise, information and education. 15) They are indispensable to their clients. 16) They absolutely, positively love what they do. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) Attitude and Commitment : It all starts here. Have you ever been walking down the street when you spotted, in the distance, someone who you know is a very depressing person? What do you do? Probably cross the street or duck into the nearest store. But on the other hand, have you ever been walking down the street when you see that very positive and optimistic person coming at you? What do you do then? I'll bet you make a point of stopping and talking to that person. Why? Naturally, because they make you feel good. Nobody wants to talk to someone who makes them feel lousy, but everyone wants a shot at someone who makes them feel good. Basic human nature: Everybody wants to associate with a winner. People want to be part of winning situation and they run like hell from losers. As a salesperson, your attitude and commitment are critical to your success simply because attitude and commitment are what the clients buy. When you speak to a client or prospect your attitude and commitment are what they hear, see and feel. Most salespeople (and most people, for that matter) are so mediocre at what they do that most times, going the extra mile only requires you to go a few extra yards. WEAKNESS OF ATTITUDE BECOMES WEAKNESS OF CHARACTER. - Albert Einstein 2) Successful Salespeople See Themselves Successful. Where do this kind of attitude and commitment come from and what can we do to develop them in our lives and careers? As you'll find, attitude and commitment are not something we're born with. They must be developed through setting goals, planning and creating sense of focus, purpose and direction for your life and career. You are not born with a burning desire to be the best. There has to be reason, something you are committed to and and only you can decide what that is. The first step of the goal setting and planning process is to "see it". First and foremost, successful salespeople create visions for themselves. And because they are also able to create and communicate visions to their clients and prospects. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? Are you there just to get in the door, sell whatever the heck you can, and get out? Or are you there as a resource for that client, someone who will help them create a vision for their company and sell them solutions to their needs? However, if you cannot even create a vision for yourself, how can you possibly expect to create a vision for someone else? Not once through-out the process a successful salespeople ever stop seeing themselves successful. So see it; see yourself successful. Create in your mind a picture of what you want your success to be. Once you've created that picture of success in your mind, focus - focus in so clearly on that picture that you can describe it right down to its most minute details. Once you can focus on and describe clearly what it is you want, you're ready for the next step. So, do not be afraid to dream, because nobody stop you from dreaming. And if you don't have good dreams, there's only one thing left: nightmares! As an art person who studied photography, imagine and create visions for myself isn't a problem. I just need to imagine and create it with heart because sales/marketing isn't what I've learned before. Art persons are sensitive but most of them have no idea how to deliver or express the feeling(s) or thought(s). They've would just keep it inside, but as sales are what I'm doing now, I have to learn and apply whatever I've been taught and started to imagine I'm successful in what I'm doing now, because I've did 90k+ before but I've just lost my imagination/dreams which I had before, and I believe that I still can do it and how? I have to figure out by myself. Moral of story, never ever ever ever stop dreaming! 3) Setting Goals : Why you need them and why you need to write them down. True motivation is an internal force. It has to come from within. Nobody else can motivate you. Most salespeople are not self-motivated (as in the case with most people). They have no idea what motivates them. They have no goals and no plan for their lives, careers or businesses. Let's face it, if you don't know what you want, what's the motivation to go out and get it? What makes successful salespeople self-motivated? Simple - they have a clearly defines focus, direction and sense of purpose for their lives, careers and businesses. They know exactly what it is they want to achieve and when they will achieve it by, and they have clearly defined the specific steps they will take to achieve these goals. This focus, direction and sense of purpose keep successful salespeople on track and motivated. They know every morning when they wake exactly where they're going and how they're going to get there. Because they are so focused, its hard for other people to come along and get them off track. It's easy to knock the average salesperson off track. They'll go any direction they're asked to, since they don't have one of their own. It all starts with a sense of purpose or a goal and that goal must be written down. 3 specific reason why you need to write them down. i) So you don't forget. Now I know this sounds pretty stupid, but did you ever wake up in the middle of the night with a good idea - the kind of idea that's so good, it wakes you out of a sound sleep at 3a.m, the kind of idea that you know is going to make you millions of dollars? What did you do? Most people say, "I went back to sleep". If you did, what happened to the great idea when you woke up the next morning? Gone! One of the three most important reasons you need to write down your goals is so you don't forget. ii) The writing down of a goal is the first commitment to actually going out and accomplishing it. I really believe we all have goals, we all have dreams. But you know the big stuff you want? You know as well as I do that those are the kind of goals that could take you 2,3,4,5, 10 years of time, energy and effort to achieve. If you're not willing to take 5 or 10 minutes to write it down, what makes you think you'll be willing to invest 5 or 10 years of time, energy and effort towards achieving it? It's a lot easier to write it down than to go out and get it. If you're not willing to do the easy, what makes you think you'll ever be willing to do the hard? iii) The writing down of a goal makes you accountable to the only person you can't fool: YOU. Admit it, you can fool anyone you want. You can fool your spouse, parents, kids, boss, co-workers, friends and every living relatives, but there's one person who always knows the God's-honest truth: YOU. How are you going to feel when you have to admit to yourself that you weren't willing to do everything it takes to achieve what you said you wanted? As a matter of fact, I have actually met people who didn't want to write down their goals because then they wouldn't have to take accountability. Pretty screwed huh? All I know is no matter how much you try to run and hide, you still have to look in the mirror everyday TO BE CONT.............!

10 Powerful Ways to Deal with Anger

Here are some practical suggestions for dealing with anger. 1. When you are angry say nothing. If we speak in anger we will definitely aggravate the situation and quite likely hurt the feelings of others. If we speak in anger we will find that people respond in kind, creating a spiral of negative anger. If we can remain outwardly silent it gives time for the emotion of anger to leave us. “When angry count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred. “ - Thomas Jefferson 2. Be indifferent to those who seek to make us angry. Some people may unfortunately take a malicious pleasure in trying to make you mad. However if we can feel indifferent to them and their words; if we feel it is beyond our dignity to even acknowledge them, then there words and actions will have no effect. Also if we do not respond in any way to their provocation they will lose interest and not bother us in the future. 3. Use reason to stop anger. When we feel anger coming to the fore try to take a step back and say to yourself “This anger will not help me in any way. This anger will make the situation worse.” Even if part of us remains angry our inner voice is helping us to distance our self from the emotion of anger. 4. Look kindly upon Others. Another visualisation suggested by spiritual teacher Paramhansa Yogananda is to see the anger-rousing agent as a 5 year old child. If you think of the other person as a helpless 5 year old child your compassion and forgiveness will come to the fore. If your baby brother accidentally stabbed you, you would not feel anger and desire to retaliate. Instead you would just feel he is just too young to know any better. This exercise may be particularly useful for close members of the family who at times evoke your anger. 5. Value Peace more than anger. If we value peace of mind as our most important treasure we will not allow anger to remain in our system. As Sri Chinmoy says: “You may have every right to be angry with someone, but you know that by getting angry with him you will only lose your precious peace of mind..” 6. Always try to understand those who are cross. Don’t worry about feeling the need to defend yourself from their criticisms. If you can remain detached and calm they may begin to feel guilty about venting their anger on you. Inspired by your example of calmness they will seek subconsciously to do the same. 7. Focus on Something Completely Different. Suppose someone has done something to make you angry. Think about something which will make you happy. The best antidote to negativity is to focus on the positive. 8. Breathe Deeply. The simple act of breathing deeply will help considerably with removing anger. 9. Meditation. Practise meditation regularly to bring your inner peace to the fore. If we can have an inner access to our inner peace we will be able to draw upon this during testing times. - How to Meditate 10. Smile When we smile we defuse many negative situations. To smile is offer goodwill to others. Smiling costs nothing but can effectively defuse tense situations.

How To Motivate Yourself – Self Motivation

Staying motivated is a struggle — our drive is constantly assaulted by negative thoughts and anxiety about the future. Everyone faces doubt and depression. What separates the highly successful is the ability to keep moving forward. There is no simple solution for a lack of motivation. Even after beating it, the problem reappears at the first sign of failure. The key is understanding your thoughts and how they drive your emotions. By learning how to nurture motivating thoughts, neutralize negative ones, and focus on the task at hand, you can pull yourself out of a slump before it gains momentum. Reasons We Lose Motivation There are 3 primary reasons we lose motivation. Lack of confidence – If you don’t believe you can succeed, what’s the point in trying? Lack of focus – If you don’t know what you want, do you really want anything? Lack of direction – If you don’t know what to do, how can you be motivated to do it? How to Boost Confidence The first motivation killer is a lack of confidence. When this happens to me, it’s usually because I’m focusing entirely on what I want and neglecting what I already have. When you only think about what you want, your mind creates explanations for why you aren’t getting it. This creates negative thoughts. Past failures, bad breaks, and personal weaknesses dominate your mind. You become jealous of your competitors and start making excuses for why you can’t succeed. In this state, you tend to make a bad impression, assume the worst about others, and lose self confidence. The way to get out of this thought pattern is to focus on gratitude. Set aside time to focus on everything positive in your life. Make a mental list of your strengths, past successes, and current advantages. We tend to take our strengths for granted and dwell on our failures. By making an effort to feel grateful, you’ll realize how competent and successful you already are. This will rejuvenate your confidence and get you motivated to build on your current success. It might sound strange that repeating things you already know can improve your mindset, but it’s amazingly effective. The mind distorts reality to confirm what it wants to believe. The more negatively you think, the more examples your mind will discover to confirm that belief. When you truly believe that you deserve success, your mind will generate ways to achieve it. The best way to bring success to yourself is to genuinely desire to create value for the rest of the world. Developing Tangible Focus The second motivation killer is a lack of focus. How often do you focus on what you don’t want, rather than on a concrete goal? We normally think in terms of fear. I’m afraid of being poor. I’m afraid no one will respect me. I’m afraid of being alone. The problem with this type of thinking is that fear alone isn’t actionable. Instead of doing something about our fear, it feeds on itself and drains our motivation. If you’re caught up in fear based thinking, the first step is focusing that energy on a well defined goal. By defining a goal, you automatically define a set of actions. If you have a fear of poverty, create a plan to increase your income. It could be going back to school, obtaining a higher paying job, or developing a profitable website. The key is moving from an intangible desire to concrete, measurable steps. By focusing your mind on a positive goal instead of an ambiguous fear, you put your brain to work. It instantly begins devising a plan for success. Instead of worrying about the future you start to do something about it. This is the first step in motivating yourself to take action. When know what you want, you become motivated to take action. Developing Direction The final piece in the motivational puzzle is direction. If focus means having an ultimate goal, direction is having a day-to-day strategy to achieve it. A lack of direction kills motivation because without an obvious next action we succumb to procrastination. An example of this is a person who wants to have a popular blog, but who spends more time reading posts about blogging than actually writing articles. The key to finding direction is identifying the activities that lead to success. For every goal, there are activities that pay off and those that don’t. Make a list of all your activities and arrange them based on results. Then make a make an action plan that focuses on the activities that lead to big returns. To continue the example from above, a blogger’s list would look something like this: Write content Research relevant topics Network with other bloggers Optimize design and ad placements Answer comments and email Read other blogs Keeping track of your most important tasks will direct your energy towards success. Without a constant reminder, it’s easy to waste entire days on filler activities like reading RSS feeds, email, and random web surfing. When my motivation starts to wane, I regain direction by creating a plan that contains two positive actions. The first one should be a small task you’ve been meaning to do, while the second should be a long-term goal. I immediately do the smaller task. This creates positive momentum. After that I take the first step towards achieving the long-term goal. Doing this periodically is great for getting out of a slump, creating positive reinforcement, and getting long-term plans moving. It’s inevitable that you’ll encounter periods of low energy, bad luck, and even the occasional failure. If you don’t discipline your mind, these minor speed bumps can turn into mental monsters. By being on guard against the top 3 motivation killers you can preserve your motivation and propel yourself to success. Confidence is KEY to keeping motivated.

Effective Ways To Get Out of a Negative Mindset

It is too easy to get into a negative mindset which invariably leads to unhappiness and depression. To avoid being overwhelmed by negativity we need to make a conscious effort to avoid the experience. When life seems like a perpetual dark tunnel these are some suggestions to change your outlook on life. Don’t Cherish Destructive Thoughts. Often we don’t realize how much we subconsciously cherish negative thoughts. It may seem counter intuitive, but often a negative frame of mind occurs because we won’t let go of the negative thoughts and ideas. Sometimes the mind clings on to these thoughts with a feeling of self pity or injured pride. We don’t like the negative frame of mind, but at the same time are we consciously trying to overcome it? The problem is that if the negative thoughts go round and round in our mind they can become powerful and we lose a sense of perspective. Just make a conscious decision to ignore the negative flow of thoughts and sentiments and be persistent in these attempts. Do you want to be Happy or Miserable? We should feel a negative mindset is a choice. If we feel a victim to our own emotions and thoughts, nobody else will be able to help us. We should feel that by holding on to a negative frame of mind, we are inevitably choosing to be unhappy; each negative is a conscious decision to be miserable. If we really value the importance of our own inner peace and happiness, we will aspire to cultivate this through good, uplifting thoughts. Next time you feel the onset of a depressed state of mind, just ask yourself the question: Do I want to be happy or miserable? Spend Time with Positive People The best antidote to negativity is simply to spend time doing positive, uplifting activities. Sometimes if we analyze and examine our own negativity it does nothing to reduce it. By engaging in useful fun activities, we forget about the reasons for our negativity; this is often the most powerful way to overcome a depressed state of mind. Don’t Accept Negativity from Other People We live in a world where there are no shortage of pessimists, critics and doo mongers. There will always be people who can find the negative in life; but, there is no reason why we have to ascribe to their world view. For example, often in an office environment there is a negative attitude to the workplace, but, even if there are faults and limitations we don’t have to allow them to make us a negative person. Let Go of Thoughts If you can learn to control your thoughts, you can control the experience and emotions of life. The best antidote to negativity is learning the art of meditation. Meditation is more than just relaxation; it is a change in consciousness. We move from the limited perspective of our mind and discover an inner source of happiness. Live in the Heart The nature of the mind is to be suspicious and critical. If someone does 99 good things and 1 bad thing, the mind will invariably remember the bad thing. If we allow ourselves to be drawn into highlighting the mistakes of others we will invite a negative mindset. However, if we live in the heart we are not drawn to the faults of others (even if they are insignificant). It is in the heart that we can have a true sense of oneness with others, their faults seem insignificance and we can feel a sense of identity with the achievements of others. Don’t Sit Around Doing Nothing The worst thing for a negative frame of mind is to mope around feeling sorry for ourselves. Ruminating on our bad luck / worries / fears will not diminish them in any way. Exercise can be a powerful way to bring about a new consciousness. Negativity is often associated with boredom and lack of purpose. Stop endlessly checking emails and surfing web, look for something good to do. Force Yourself to Think of 3 Positive Thoughts. If you are feeling really miserable and have a low sense of self esteem, try thinking of 3 good things that you have done. At time our own mind can be our worst enemy and very self critical. It is important not to lose a sense of balance; for the various bad things we have done, we have also done some good things. Don’t Think Anything You Wouldn’t Say in Front of People We often think things we would never say in front of people. If you are annoyed, disappointed with someone else, imagine what you would say to them in person. Sometimes when we are with people we are forced to behave; even if we are not particularly sincere the effort to avoid negativity can help us to overcome our bad mood.

The Zen of Success

What is success and how can we achieve it?

Success and Happiness

Does success leave you feeling satisfied and sincerely happy, or does it just leave you just striving for more? Some people have difficulty enjoying success because whatever they achieve is not enough. It is like fulfilling one desire, only to have 2 take its place. We have to learn to enjoy our success, if we cannot be at peace with ourselves is it really success?

Working with Others

‘no man is an island’ - John Donne.

If we seek to succeed on our own, we cut ourselves off from the support and guidance of others. Often when we try to succeed on our own we bring to the fore our pride and ego; there is a feeling of self-sufficiency that makes us unwilling to take the necessary help of others. We need to feel that success is not just about ourselves, but a team effort. Even if one person succeeds in rowing solo across the Atlantic, they will feel some appreciation for their trainer, and the mechanic who helped prepare for the task. It is not possible to do everything on your own. If you feel oneness with others you will gain more happiness from your success. If you try to keep all the success just for you, you limit your possibilities.

Vision

To succeed we need to have a clear vision of what we wish to achieve; it is important to keep these aspirations in the forefront of our mind. We need to have a clarity of purpose and intent that will keep us focused. It is this belief and vision that will prevent us from being discouraged by critics and nay-sayers. The world can be a negative place; it is easier to disbelieve and criticize than it is to encourage people of vision. If you want to succeed and achieve something new, there will be an inevitable resistance from some parts of society. Success depends on clarity of focus which prevents being deterred and held back by others.

“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”

— Henry David Thoreau

The Ego and Success

What is our motivation behind our success? Is it to prove ourselves superior or is it to offer something worthwhile to others? If we are motivated only by a desire to inflate our ego, success can only be of a limited nature. Real success is about achieving something worthwhile; it should be something that others can feel part of. The greatest success may be to work completely in the background without others knowing.

Self Transcendence

Success often conjures up ideas of trophies, gaining money, power and prestige. But, why does success have to be synonymous with ‘winning’ something. Success can be measured in our continual progress, and transcendence of previous limitations. When we succeed in this regard success is an ongoing process, it is not just limited to the completion of a certain task. Sometimes when we achieve something, we feel we have succeeded, but then we relax and stop making any forward progress. Real success should be seen as a continual progress not just a fixed point in time.

Success and Failure

Success and failure are reverse sides of the same coin. Failure is intrinsic to our success. If we can look upon failure as a stepping stone to progress, we will not get discouraged. A successful person has many failures, it is just that they are able to learn from them and move on. Don’t blame fate but see it as a necessary experience.

“What is failure? Failure is an experience which awakens us. What is success? Success is an experience which energizes us to strive for a higher and greater success. And what is progress? Progress is an experience which illumines us and fulfills us.”

- Sri Chinmoy

Determination and Persistence

Success requires persistence. Modern society perhaps encourages us to expect instant results, and instant fixes, but the secret of success lies in persistence.”Never give up” should be our motto, there are always reasons to be discouraged, but we have to be willing to persist and go on.

How would you define success? What would you like to succeed at?

Living Without Fear

“At the end of the sorrowful night
Truth appears and smilingly says,
“Beloved, fear no more.”

- Sri Chinmoy

The material advances of the world do not seem to have reduced the amount of fear that exists in our mind. When we fear we weaken ourselves and make it impossible to enjoy life as it is supposed to be enjoyed. To consciously enjoy life we need to throw away fear and retain optimism and a positive attitude to the world. To live without fear is quite possible.

Self Belief.

When we fear we consciously weaken ourselves. If we think of ourselves as an ant, then we will inevitably fear being trampled on. It is important to maintain faith in ourselves and a sense of self belief. This is not the pride of self aggrandizement, but belief in our inner self. If we maintain belief in our inner divinity, then we will not fear the world.

Don’t Judge Others

When we judge and condemn others, we ironically open ourselves up to being judged ourselves. When we pick up on the faults of others, we unconsciously strengthen these very same faults in ourself. Often we start criticizing others to assert an unconscious sense of superiority over others; we do this partly out of fear. But, judging others is not a solution to fear; we only make it stronger.

Don’t Focus on Your Weakness / Sin.

If we focus on our ’sins’ and weaknesses, we start to cherish a guilty conscience. This magnifies our weaknesses and problems; this will only create an attitude of fear. Instead we need to forget unpleasant experiences; it is sufficient to resolve to avoid repeating mistakes. We need to move on and think about the good things we are going to do. When we focus on the negative things we have done we become fearful of their consequences.

Suspend Disbelief

If we separate ourselves from the rest of humanity we will always be fearful. If we have an attitude of self importance and self reliance, we will fear and mistrust other people. We should avoid imagining others are thinking ill of us. The mind frequently thinks of the worst. But, we have to ignore these thoughts and concentrate on the underlying unity with other people.

Leave Aside Superiority / Inferiority

A lot of fear is based on a false desire to prove ourselves to the rest of the world. We worry over people’s perceptions and criticisms. Therefore we give much importance to proving ourselves; this generates constant feelings of inferiority and superiority which creates a climate of subconscious fear in our mind.

Ignore the Fears of the Media.

In daily life there are numerous medium which seek to play on our fears. If we uncritically read newspapers from cover to cover, we will become overwhelmed with fear. Even if we are aware of the nature of newspapers to magnify negative experiences, we can still be subconsciously affected. Through absorbing ourselves in the consciousness of the news media, it is easy to gain an unbalanced perspective on life and this generates a feeling of fear. If newspapers highlight 10 problems with the world, we should try to remember 10 reasons to be optimistic. It is not that we need to avoid reading newspapers; but, we need to be very cautious about being swept up in their world perspective, which inevitably highlights the bad. Satire is a great medicine to the negative attitude of the media.

Take Each Day as It Comes

Most of our worries and fears are generated over imaginary experiences that never happen. Most fears are based on the future. Yet our mind is a very poor guide to predicting the future. Usually things do not turn out as bad as we plan. The great sages frequently advise us to take each day as it comes and ‘let the morrow worry about the morrow’ It is with good reason; if we can live in the present moment we can easily reduce the impact of fear in our lives.

How to Reduce the Ego.

The ego is that part in us which feeds off praise, compliments and success. When we live in the ego we are inevitably subject to feelings of superiority / inferiority, pride and worthlessness, success and failure. If we want to avoid these negative emotions we need to transcend the ego. If we can transcend the ego, we will find that people are instinctively more attracted to us, even though we are no longer trying to impress. It may seem a great paradox; yet, limiting the role of our ego can make a radical difference to our lives.

These are some factors which can reduce the power of the Ego.

1. Don’t Try to impress

Don’t Speak about Your Own achievements. Don’t drop names of great people you have met. Avoid forcing your accomplishments and success into the conversation. If you have been successful in accumulating wealth, try to keep quiet about it. All these factors may impress your own ego, but, you can guarantee they will have little impact on other people.

2. Be aware of False Modesty.

Sometimes when we say. “O I’m absolutely hopeless”. Actually what we are wanting is for people to respond. ‘O no you’re not, you’re really good.” Humility means that we don’t take excessive pride in our achievements, but, it also means we don’t exaggerate our failings in the hope of gaining sympathy.

3. Be Careful of Flattery.

We need to be careful about receiving praise; in some-ways it can be as difficult as receiving criticism. The problem is that the ego likes receiving praise and so we can easily become addicted to being flattered. Don’t seek out people who are keen to flatter us, as this is only feeding the ego. Also, be wary of flattering other people in the hope that they will return the compliment.

4. Don’t use your religion / spirituality to impress.

It is a mistake to feel that the practice of a religion / spiritual path gives us a moral superiority over other people. If we feel any superiority we are missing the whole point of spirituality. Spirituality is about a feeling of oneness not of proving that one path is better than others. This can be one of the most insidious types of ego. This is because when we wrap up the ego in a sense of moral superiority, we can easily trick ourselves into thinking we are reducing the ego, when actually we are strengthening it.

5. Be Aware of the extended Ego.

Ego, is not just about feeling we are better than others. Our Ego can also be expressed via national / religious feeling. When we feel a pride or superiority in our religion / nation, there is still the same problem of ego but, it is expressed through an extended sense of reality. This sense of superiority / pride is just as damaging as if it was contained to ourselves. However, we can feel that because it is not directly related to ourselves, somehow there is no ego involved.


6. Don’t Speak badly of Others.

Quite often, when we speak ill of others there is a subtle attempt to make ourselves look better. We may not explicitly say it, but, when we point to someone’s shortcomings we imply that we don’t have these, and therefore we are much better than them. The important thing here is the motive. Be very vigilant; what is your inner motive for criticizing someone else? If it is to make you feel / look better, be very careful. The irony of course is that when we criticize someone, often we have the same imperfections ourselves, it is just that we find it easier to see them in other people.

7. What is Your Motivation for Doing Something?

If nobody knew that you had done it, would you still do the action with the same intensity? Can you work without expecting reward and praise? If you can do things selflessly with no desire for people to find out, this is a sign you do not give importance to the ego. If you only do things in the hope of praise, then you are working to satisfy the ego. The sad thing is that if you really work selflessly, at some point, your efforts will receive much greater recognition because people will come to also value the selfless motivation behind the action. Try doing some things but not let anybody know about it. In the NT, this is what Jesus meant when he said. “and with you left hand.

8. Don’t rely on Your Physical Appearance to Impress.

If you rely on your physical beauty to impress this is definitely coming from the ego. This is not to see beauty is bad thing, far from it. But, real beauty is heightened by modesty and the absence of ego. Avoid paying excessive interest to your physical looks.

To reduce our ego, we have to give great importance to our thoughts and motivation behind our actions. We have to be very strict with ourselves and work out why we are doing something. To reduce the ego, requires great vigilance, we need to reflect on each action and motivation. However, to reduce the influence of the ego is of great value, it is the key to achieving a sense of inner peace.

How to distinguish between love and emotional dependence

The word ‘love’ is perhaps one of the most casually used terms in the English language - so much so that it has become an umbrella term for a whole variety of very different emotions! There is one thing we all agree on - that love is what makes the world go round, and that without it, the world is but a dry empty shell of a place. On the other hand, it is a word we very easily twist around to our own purposes to justify our emotional dependence on a person. If we can learn to distinguish love from emotional dependence and put this distinction into practice, then we make life more beautiful not only for us, but for everyone we come into contact with.

1. Learn to love yourself first

Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to heaven.

~William Shakespeare.

Often when we are emotionally dependent on someone, we are looking to them as a ‘filler’ to cover over and distract us from unresolved emotional issues in ourselves. In order to truly love someone, we first have to discover and explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with - yourself! We can often name our shortcomings far quicker than our positive qualities, and we are very quick to beat ourselves up for anything we didn’t do to our satisfaction. This all has to change. Try every day to identify your positive qualities and bring them more to the fore and increase them, and when you do make a mistake, try and see it as a ‘work-in-progress’ rather than an absolute failure. When your own self-love and self-respect increases, you are then able to approach relationships with others with much more equanimity.

2. Use the heart

There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Along with the word ‘love’, the word ‘heart’ is often dragged in to many conversations and used to describe all manner of behavior good and bad. When we talk about the heart we mean the space in the middle of the chest we point to when we say ‘this is me’ - the place we feel the essence of our being more than anywhere else. It is also where most of our higher and nobler qualities emanate from - empathy, kindness and love.

Emotional attachment on the other hand is a tangled up array of feelings from the mind and also from the emotional part of our being located closer to the navel. Because the sources of love and emotional attachment are located so close together, they can and are often confused by the undiscerning person. However, setting aside some time each day for a practice of self-discovery and self-enquiry (e.g. meditation) will very quickly enable you to distinguish one from the other.



3. Don’t expect


Social anthropologists often describe many human relationships like a contract - we give our love to a person and at the same time we subconsciously place all kinds of expectations on that person which we want them to fulfill. And then when the other person fails to sufficiently satisfy our demands (which will definitely happen from time to time - we’re all imperfect) we feel let down and angry with the person, our insecurity and fear of not being loved come to the fore, and we often resort to some kind of emotional manipulation to try and get them to fulfill our demands.

True love, on the other hand is like the sun. The sun shines its rays and gives its warmth to all and sundry, without anything in return. This may sound like naivety to the calculating mind, but when we live in the heart we feel exactly like the sun does - we just want spread our love and goodwill anywhere we can. With this kind of love we have detachment - we have no fixed ideas about what way this love should be taken by others, the mere act of giving love satisfies our heart immensely.


4. Learn to let go

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.

- Hermann Hesse

Often we place mental restrictions on people we love, whether it be parents ‘living their dreams’ through their children, or someone ‘trapped’ in a relationship. True love means loving people for who they are, not trying to channel them into who you want them to be. The greatest service you can do to one whom you love is allow them to grow in to their soul’s highest potential - sometimes this will mean actively helping them, but other times this will mean recognizing when you are standing in the way of that happening and getting out of the way!

5. The inner strength: patience and forgiveness

“Patience serves as a protection against wrong as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you.”

- Leonardo Da Vinci

To develop love, we also have develop forgiveness and patience. To forgive someone, it helps to see beyond their surface imperfections and appreciate the beauty that lies deep within. Love always goes hand in hand with this recognition of inner beauty inside a person, and when we can see this inner beauty in a person and appreciate it, we help bring that beauty to the fore and perhaps prevent whatever unfortunate thing that person might have done from occurring again.

This world of ours can seem like a downright unfair place at times, but developing this quality of love for everyone you meet allows you to rise above ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ that people might throw at you and still keep your faith in humanity intact.