What is success and how can we achieve it?
Success and Happiness
Does success leave you feeling satisfied and sincerely happy, or does it just leave you just striving for more? Some people have difficulty enjoying success because whatever they achieve is not enough. It is like fulfilling one desire, only to have 2 take its place. We have to learn to enjoy our success, if we cannot be at peace with ourselves is it really success?
Working with Others
‘no man is an island’ - John Donne.
If we seek to succeed on our own, we cut ourselves off from the support and guidance of others. Often when we try to succeed on our own we bring to the fore our pride and ego; there is a feeling of self-sufficiency that makes us unwilling to take the necessary help of others. We need to feel that success is not just about ourselves, but a team effort. Even if one person succeeds in rowing solo across the Atlantic, they will feel some appreciation for their trainer, and the mechanic who helped prepare for the task. It is not possible to do everything on your own. If you feel oneness with others you will gain more happiness from your success. If you try to keep all the success just for you, you limit your possibilities.
Vision
To succeed we need to have a clear vision of what we wish to achieve; it is important to keep these aspirations in the forefront of our mind. We need to have a clarity of purpose and intent that will keep us focused. It is this belief and vision that will prevent us from being discouraged by critics and nay-sayers. The world can be a negative place; it is easier to disbelieve and criticize than it is to encourage people of vision. If you want to succeed and achieve something new, there will be an inevitable resistance from some parts of society. Success depends on clarity of focus which prevents being deterred and held back by others.
“If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.”
— Henry David Thoreau
The Ego and Success
What is our motivation behind our success? Is it to prove ourselves superior or is it to offer something worthwhile to others? If we are motivated only by a desire to inflate our ego, success can only be of a limited nature. Real success is about achieving something worthwhile; it should be something that others can feel part of. The greatest success may be to work completely in the background without others knowing.
Self Transcendence
Success often conjures up ideas of trophies, gaining money, power and prestige. But, why does success have to be synonymous with ‘winning’ something. Success can be measured in our continual progress, and transcendence of previous limitations. When we succeed in this regard success is an ongoing process, it is not just limited to the completion of a certain task. Sometimes when we achieve something, we feel we have succeeded, but then we relax and stop making any forward progress. Real success should be seen as a continual progress not just a fixed point in time.
Success and Failure
Success and failure are reverse sides of the same coin. Failure is intrinsic to our success. If we can look upon failure as a stepping stone to progress, we will not get discouraged. A successful person has many failures, it is just that they are able to learn from them and move on. Don’t blame fate but see it as a necessary experience.
“What is failure? Failure is an experience which awakens us. What is success? Success is an experience which energizes us to strive for a higher and greater success. And what is progress? Progress is an experience which illumines us and fulfills us.”
- Sri Chinmoy
Determination and Persistence
Success requires persistence. Modern society perhaps encourages us to expect instant results, and instant fixes, but the secret of success lies in persistence.”Never give up” should be our motto, there are always reasons to be discouraged, but we have to be willing to persist and go on.
How would you define success? What would you like to succeed at?
Thursday, 3 July 2008
Living Without Fear
“At the end of the sorrowful night
Truth appears and smilingly says,
“Beloved, fear no more.”
- Sri Chinmoy
The material advances of the world do not seem to have reduced the amount of fear that exists in our mind. When we fear we weaken ourselves and make it impossible to enjoy life as it is supposed to be enjoyed. To consciously enjoy life we need to throw away fear and retain optimism and a positive attitude to the world. To live without fear is quite possible.
Self Belief.
When we fear we consciously weaken ourselves. If we think of ourselves as an ant, then we will inevitably fear being trampled on. It is important to maintain faith in ourselves and a sense of self belief. This is not the pride of self aggrandizement, but belief in our inner self. If we maintain belief in our inner divinity, then we will not fear the world.
Don’t Judge Others
When we judge and condemn others, we ironically open ourselves up to being judged ourselves. When we pick up on the faults of others, we unconsciously strengthen these very same faults in ourself. Often we start criticizing others to assert an unconscious sense of superiority over others; we do this partly out of fear. But, judging others is not a solution to fear; we only make it stronger.
Don’t Focus on Your Weakness / Sin.
If we focus on our ’sins’ and weaknesses, we start to cherish a guilty conscience. This magnifies our weaknesses and problems; this will only create an attitude of fear. Instead we need to forget unpleasant experiences; it is sufficient to resolve to avoid repeating mistakes. We need to move on and think about the good things we are going to do. When we focus on the negative things we have done we become fearful of their consequences.
Suspend Disbelief
If we separate ourselves from the rest of humanity we will always be fearful. If we have an attitude of self importance and self reliance, we will fear and mistrust other people. We should avoid imagining others are thinking ill of us. The mind frequently thinks of the worst. But, we have to ignore these thoughts and concentrate on the underlying unity with other people.
Leave Aside Superiority / Inferiority
A lot of fear is based on a false desire to prove ourselves to the rest of the world. We worry over people’s perceptions and criticisms. Therefore we give much importance to proving ourselves; this generates constant feelings of inferiority and superiority which creates a climate of subconscious fear in our mind.
Ignore the Fears of the Media.
In daily life there are numerous medium which seek to play on our fears. If we uncritically read newspapers from cover to cover, we will become overwhelmed with fear. Even if we are aware of the nature of newspapers to magnify negative experiences, we can still be subconsciously affected. Through absorbing ourselves in the consciousness of the news media, it is easy to gain an unbalanced perspective on life and this generates a feeling of fear. If newspapers highlight 10 problems with the world, we should try to remember 10 reasons to be optimistic. It is not that we need to avoid reading newspapers; but, we need to be very cautious about being swept up in their world perspective, which inevitably highlights the bad. Satire is a great medicine to the negative attitude of the media.
Take Each Day as It Comes
Most of our worries and fears are generated over imaginary experiences that never happen. Most fears are based on the future. Yet our mind is a very poor guide to predicting the future. Usually things do not turn out as bad as we plan. The great sages frequently advise us to take each day as it comes and ‘let the morrow worry about the morrow’ It is with good reason; if we can live in the present moment we can easily reduce the impact of fear in our lives.
How to Reduce the Ego.
The ego is that part in us which feeds off praise, compliments and success. When we live in the ego we are inevitably subject to feelings of superiority / inferiority, pride and worthlessness, success and failure. If we want to avoid these negative emotions we need to transcend the ego. If we can transcend the ego, we will find that people are instinctively more attracted to us, even though we are no longer trying to impress. It may seem a great paradox; yet, limiting the role of our ego can make a radical difference to our lives.
These are some factors which can reduce the power of the Ego.
1. Don’t Try to impress
Don’t Speak about Your Own achievements. Don’t drop names of great people you have met. Avoid forcing your accomplishments and success into the conversation. If you have been successful in accumulating wealth, try to keep quiet about it. All these factors may impress your own ego, but, you can guarantee they will have little impact on other people.
2. Be aware of False Modesty.
Sometimes when we say. “O I’m absolutely hopeless”. Actually what we are wanting is for people to respond. ‘O no you’re not, you’re really good.” Humility means that we don’t take excessive pride in our achievements, but, it also means we don’t exaggerate our failings in the hope of gaining sympathy.
3. Be Careful of Flattery.
We need to be careful about receiving praise; in some-ways it can be as difficult as receiving criticism. The problem is that the ego likes receiving praise and so we can easily become addicted to being flattered. Don’t seek out people who are keen to flatter us, as this is only feeding the ego. Also, be wary of flattering other people in the hope that they will return the compliment.
4. Don’t use your religion / spirituality to impress.
It is a mistake to feel that the practice of a religion / spiritual path gives us a moral superiority over other people. If we feel any superiority we are missing the whole point of spirituality. Spirituality is about a feeling of oneness not of proving that one path is better than others. This can be one of the most insidious types of ego. This is because when we wrap up the ego in a sense of moral superiority, we can easily trick ourselves into thinking we are reducing the ego, when actually we are strengthening it.
5. Be Aware of the extended Ego.
Ego, is not just about feeling we are better than others. Our Ego can also be expressed via national / religious feeling. When we feel a pride or superiority in our religion / nation, there is still the same problem of ego but, it is expressed through an extended sense of reality. This sense of superiority / pride is just as damaging as if it was contained to ourselves. However, we can feel that because it is not directly related to ourselves, somehow there is no ego involved.
6. Don’t Speak badly of Others.
Quite often, when we speak ill of others there is a subtle attempt to make ourselves look better. We may not explicitly say it, but, when we point to someone’s shortcomings we imply that we don’t have these, and therefore we are much better than them. The important thing here is the motive. Be very vigilant; what is your inner motive for criticizing someone else? If it is to make you feel / look better, be very careful. The irony of course is that when we criticize someone, often we have the same imperfections ourselves, it is just that we find it easier to see them in other people.
7. What is Your Motivation for Doing Something?
If nobody knew that you had done it, would you still do the action with the same intensity? Can you work without expecting reward and praise? If you can do things selflessly with no desire for people to find out, this is a sign you do not give importance to the ego. If you only do things in the hope of praise, then you are working to satisfy the ego. The sad thing is that if you really work selflessly, at some point, your efforts will receive much greater recognition because people will come to also value the selfless motivation behind the action. Try doing some things but not let anybody know about it. In the NT, this is what Jesus meant when he said. “and with you left hand.
8. Don’t rely on Your Physical Appearance to Impress.
If you rely on your physical beauty to impress this is definitely coming from the ego. This is not to see beauty is bad thing, far from it. But, real beauty is heightened by modesty and the absence of ego. Avoid paying excessive interest to your physical looks.
To reduce our ego, we have to give great importance to our thoughts and motivation behind our actions. We have to be very strict with ourselves and work out why we are doing something. To reduce the ego, requires great vigilance, we need to reflect on each action and motivation. However, to reduce the influence of the ego is of great value, it is the key to achieving a sense of inner peace.
These are some factors which can reduce the power of the Ego.
1. Don’t Try to impress
Don’t Speak about Your Own achievements. Don’t drop names of great people you have met. Avoid forcing your accomplishments and success into the conversation. If you have been successful in accumulating wealth, try to keep quiet about it. All these factors may impress your own ego, but, you can guarantee they will have little impact on other people.
2. Be aware of False Modesty.
Sometimes when we say. “O I’m absolutely hopeless”. Actually what we are wanting is for people to respond. ‘O no you’re not, you’re really good.” Humility means that we don’t take excessive pride in our achievements, but, it also means we don’t exaggerate our failings in the hope of gaining sympathy.
3. Be Careful of Flattery.
We need to be careful about receiving praise; in some-ways it can be as difficult as receiving criticism. The problem is that the ego likes receiving praise and so we can easily become addicted to being flattered. Don’t seek out people who are keen to flatter us, as this is only feeding the ego. Also, be wary of flattering other people in the hope that they will return the compliment.
4. Don’t use your religion / spirituality to impress.
It is a mistake to feel that the practice of a religion / spiritual path gives us a moral superiority over other people. If we feel any superiority we are missing the whole point of spirituality. Spirituality is about a feeling of oneness not of proving that one path is better than others. This can be one of the most insidious types of ego. This is because when we wrap up the ego in a sense of moral superiority, we can easily trick ourselves into thinking we are reducing the ego, when actually we are strengthening it.
5. Be Aware of the extended Ego.
Ego, is not just about feeling we are better than others. Our Ego can also be expressed via national / religious feeling. When we feel a pride or superiority in our religion / nation, there is still the same problem of ego but, it is expressed through an extended sense of reality. This sense of superiority / pride is just as damaging as if it was contained to ourselves. However, we can feel that because it is not directly related to ourselves, somehow there is no ego involved.
6. Don’t Speak badly of Others.
Quite often, when we speak ill of others there is a subtle attempt to make ourselves look better. We may not explicitly say it, but, when we point to someone’s shortcomings we imply that we don’t have these, and therefore we are much better than them. The important thing here is the motive. Be very vigilant; what is your inner motive for criticizing someone else? If it is to make you feel / look better, be very careful. The irony of course is that when we criticize someone, often we have the same imperfections ourselves, it is just that we find it easier to see them in other people.
7. What is Your Motivation for Doing Something?
If nobody knew that you had done it, would you still do the action with the same intensity? Can you work without expecting reward and praise? If you can do things selflessly with no desire for people to find out, this is a sign you do not give importance to the ego. If you only do things in the hope of praise, then you are working to satisfy the ego. The sad thing is that if you really work selflessly, at some point, your efforts will receive much greater recognition because people will come to also value the selfless motivation behind the action. Try doing some things but not let anybody know about it. In the NT, this is what Jesus meant when he said. “and with you left hand.
8. Don’t rely on Your Physical Appearance to Impress.
If you rely on your physical beauty to impress this is definitely coming from the ego. This is not to see beauty is bad thing, far from it. But, real beauty is heightened by modesty and the absence of ego. Avoid paying excessive interest to your physical looks.
To reduce our ego, we have to give great importance to our thoughts and motivation behind our actions. We have to be very strict with ourselves and work out why we are doing something. To reduce the ego, requires great vigilance, we need to reflect on each action and motivation. However, to reduce the influence of the ego is of great value, it is the key to achieving a sense of inner peace.
How to distinguish between love and emotional dependence
The word ‘love’ is perhaps one of the most casually used terms in the English language - so much so that it has become an umbrella term for a whole variety of very different emotions! There is one thing we all agree on - that love is what makes the world go round, and that without it, the world is but a dry empty shell of a place. On the other hand, it is a word we very easily twist around to our own purposes to justify our emotional dependence on a person. If we can learn to distinguish love from emotional dependence and put this distinction into practice, then we make life more beautiful not only for us, but for everyone we come into contact with.
1. Learn to love yourself first
Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to heaven.
~William Shakespeare.
Often when we are emotionally dependent on someone, we are looking to them as a ‘filler’ to cover over and distract us from unresolved emotional issues in ourselves. In order to truly love someone, we first have to discover and explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with - yourself! We can often name our shortcomings far quicker than our positive qualities, and we are very quick to beat ourselves up for anything we didn’t do to our satisfaction. This all has to change. Try every day to identify your positive qualities and bring them more to the fore and increase them, and when you do make a mistake, try and see it as a ‘work-in-progress’ rather than an absolute failure. When your own self-love and self-respect increases, you are then able to approach relationships with others with much more equanimity.
2. Use the heart
There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Along with the word ‘love’, the word ‘heart’ is often dragged in to many conversations and used to describe all manner of behavior good and bad. When we talk about the heart we mean the space in the middle of the chest we point to when we say ‘this is me’ - the place we feel the essence of our being more than anywhere else. It is also where most of our higher and nobler qualities emanate from - empathy, kindness and love.
Emotional attachment on the other hand is a tangled up array of feelings from the mind and also from the emotional part of our being located closer to the navel. Because the sources of love and emotional attachment are located so close together, they can and are often confused by the undiscerning person. However, setting aside some time each day for a practice of self-discovery and self-enquiry (e.g. meditation) will very quickly enable you to distinguish one from the other.
3. Don’t expect
Social anthropologists often describe many human relationships like a contract - we give our love to a person and at the same time we subconsciously place all kinds of expectations on that person which we want them to fulfill. And then when the other person fails to sufficiently satisfy our demands (which will definitely happen from time to time - we’re all imperfect) we feel let down and angry with the person, our insecurity and fear of not being loved come to the fore, and we often resort to some kind of emotional manipulation to try and get them to fulfill our demands.
True love, on the other hand is like the sun. The sun shines its rays and gives its warmth to all and sundry, without anything in return. This may sound like naivety to the calculating mind, but when we live in the heart we feel exactly like the sun does - we just want spread our love and goodwill anywhere we can. With this kind of love we have detachment - we have no fixed ideas about what way this love should be taken by others, the mere act of giving love satisfies our heart immensely.
4. Learn to let go
Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
- Hermann Hesse
Often we place mental restrictions on people we love, whether it be parents ‘living their dreams’ through their children, or someone ‘trapped’ in a relationship. True love means loving people for who they are, not trying to channel them into who you want them to be. The greatest service you can do to one whom you love is allow them to grow in to their soul’s highest potential - sometimes this will mean actively helping them, but other times this will mean recognizing when you are standing in the way of that happening and getting out of the way!
5. The inner strength: patience and forgiveness
“Patience serves as a protection against wrong as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you.”
- Leonardo Da Vinci
To develop love, we also have develop forgiveness and patience. To forgive someone, it helps to see beyond their surface imperfections and appreciate the beauty that lies deep within. Love always goes hand in hand with this recognition of inner beauty inside a person, and when we can see this inner beauty in a person and appreciate it, we help bring that beauty to the fore and perhaps prevent whatever unfortunate thing that person might have done from occurring again.
This world of ours can seem like a downright unfair place at times, but developing this quality of love for everyone you meet allows you to rise above ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ that people might throw at you and still keep your faith in humanity intact.
1. Learn to love yourself first
Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie, which we ascribe to heaven.
~William Shakespeare.
Often when we are emotionally dependent on someone, we are looking to them as a ‘filler’ to cover over and distract us from unresolved emotional issues in ourselves. In order to truly love someone, we first have to discover and explore what love is, and that means starting with the person you spend the most time with - yourself! We can often name our shortcomings far quicker than our positive qualities, and we are very quick to beat ourselves up for anything we didn’t do to our satisfaction. This all has to change. Try every day to identify your positive qualities and bring them more to the fore and increase them, and when you do make a mistake, try and see it as a ‘work-in-progress’ rather than an absolute failure. When your own self-love and self-respect increases, you are then able to approach relationships with others with much more equanimity.
2. Use the heart
There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame of that heats our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives. It is our connection to God and to each other.
- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
Along with the word ‘love’, the word ‘heart’ is often dragged in to many conversations and used to describe all manner of behavior good and bad. When we talk about the heart we mean the space in the middle of the chest we point to when we say ‘this is me’ - the place we feel the essence of our being more than anywhere else. It is also where most of our higher and nobler qualities emanate from - empathy, kindness and love.
Emotional attachment on the other hand is a tangled up array of feelings from the mind and also from the emotional part of our being located closer to the navel. Because the sources of love and emotional attachment are located so close together, they can and are often confused by the undiscerning person. However, setting aside some time each day for a practice of self-discovery and self-enquiry (e.g. meditation) will very quickly enable you to distinguish one from the other.
3. Don’t expect
Social anthropologists often describe many human relationships like a contract - we give our love to a person and at the same time we subconsciously place all kinds of expectations on that person which we want them to fulfill. And then when the other person fails to sufficiently satisfy our demands (which will definitely happen from time to time - we’re all imperfect) we feel let down and angry with the person, our insecurity and fear of not being loved come to the fore, and we often resort to some kind of emotional manipulation to try and get them to fulfill our demands.
True love, on the other hand is like the sun. The sun shines its rays and gives its warmth to all and sundry, without anything in return. This may sound like naivety to the calculating mind, but when we live in the heart we feel exactly like the sun does - we just want spread our love and goodwill anywhere we can. With this kind of love we have detachment - we have no fixed ideas about what way this love should be taken by others, the mere act of giving love satisfies our heart immensely.
4. Learn to let go
Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
- Hermann Hesse
Often we place mental restrictions on people we love, whether it be parents ‘living their dreams’ through their children, or someone ‘trapped’ in a relationship. True love means loving people for who they are, not trying to channel them into who you want them to be. The greatest service you can do to one whom you love is allow them to grow in to their soul’s highest potential - sometimes this will mean actively helping them, but other times this will mean recognizing when you are standing in the way of that happening and getting out of the way!
5. The inner strength: patience and forgiveness
“Patience serves as a protection against wrong as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you.”
- Leonardo Da Vinci
To develop love, we also have develop forgiveness and patience. To forgive someone, it helps to see beyond their surface imperfections and appreciate the beauty that lies deep within. Love always goes hand in hand with this recognition of inner beauty inside a person, and when we can see this inner beauty in a person and appreciate it, we help bring that beauty to the fore and perhaps prevent whatever unfortunate thing that person might have done from occurring again.
This world of ours can seem like a downright unfair place at times, but developing this quality of love for everyone you meet allows you to rise above ‘the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ that people might throw at you and still keep your faith in humanity intact.
Wednesday, 2 July 2008
Life lessons you can learn from children
It’s rather amazing that as children we perpetually look forward to the time when we grow up and can do anything we want, but then once we grow up and become laden with responsibilities, we wistfully look back to those carefree childhood days! Certainly we ‘miss’ out on some things as we make the transition to adulthood; by looking at how children see the world, we can certainly learn (or relearn) some things to introduce in our own lives….
Living in the moment
… The world began this morning,
God-dreamt and full of birds…
- Patrick Kavanagh
As we grow older, our thoughts become increasingly focused on either the past or the future instead of the now; we seem to pick up the art of nursing grievances about things that happened and worrying about things that may never happen. But for a child, everything is unfolding in real time before his eyes; he has not yet learnt the art of being consumed by past or future. I remember a very interesting experience about a year ago when I was playing badminton with some young friends of mine. The four year old youngest brother wanted his older brother to give him the badminton racket, and the older brother pushed him away, whereupon he promptly say down and started to cry. However, out of the corner of his eye he spotted a spare shuttlecock lying around - the tears soon dried up, and in no time he was totally absorbed in his new plaything. I was totally amazed at how quickly his focus had switched from crying to playing with the toy; if that happened between adults we’d be still feeling aggrieved about it days later!
A perpetual sense of discovery
"I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with”
- Plato
For a child, the word ‘routine’ is pure anathema. Everything - even the most ordinary objects - has to be investigated, touched, and experienced. Ordinary things like a dog barking in the street or the postman delivering post through the letterbox often have children pointing in open-mouthed wonder. And yet as little as thirty years later, as adults, this constant questioning and discovery of children sometimes irritates us because we have ‘much more important’ things to do! We have the privilege of living on such a beautiful planet, and one way of truly appreciating that is seeing it through the eyes of someone who is discovering everything for the very first time.
Living in the heart
To lose one’s child-heart
Is to lose everything.
- Sri Chinmoy
It is not until we reach early adolescence that our minds become fully developed. It is no coincidence that with the mind’s ascendancy, negative qualities such as doubt, hesitation, and feelings of inferiority or superiority also become ensconced in the human psyche, and our actions are more likely to be determined by the pushes and pulls of society than our inner feelings. However before the mind starts dominating, the heart is to the fore - the spaontaneous, empathetic part of our being that does not plan or calculate, but just spaontaneously acts, creates and discovers. Unlike the mind, the heart has no inhibitions. If you asked a bunch of six year old children “who can paint?” all hands would shoot up; the same question asked to adults might not raise any hands at all! As we grow up, we imbibe very fixed ideas and conventions about what we can and cannot do, but children have no such restrictions - life for them is just one long play session.
The secret of unconditional love
Give a little to love a child, and you get a great deal back.
-John Ruskin
When we give our love to someone, we often do it with the subtle expectations of what the other person should do. Then when the other person doesn’t fulfill those expectations, there can be a great deal of disappointment, hurt, and also increased cynicism about the whole business of love in general. But when a child loves, his love is unconditional, and when he smiles at you can feel it beaming from him like the rays of a sunbeam. It is a kind of love that comes straight from the heart, without preconditions or expectations; it is a pure expression of who he is. This kind of love is something that we can still access as adults - inside the deepest part of our being there is an instinctive yearning to reach out to people, to empathize, and when we give this love to others our own deepest part is fulfilled.
Living in the moment
… The world began this morning,
God-dreamt and full of birds…
- Patrick Kavanagh
As we grow older, our thoughts become increasingly focused on either the past or the future instead of the now; we seem to pick up the art of nursing grievances about things that happened and worrying about things that may never happen. But for a child, everything is unfolding in real time before his eyes; he has not yet learnt the art of being consumed by past or future. I remember a very interesting experience about a year ago when I was playing badminton with some young friends of mine. The four year old youngest brother wanted his older brother to give him the badminton racket, and the older brother pushed him away, whereupon he promptly say down and started to cry. However, out of the corner of his eye he spotted a spare shuttlecock lying around - the tears soon dried up, and in no time he was totally absorbed in his new plaything. I was totally amazed at how quickly his focus had switched from crying to playing with the toy; if that happened between adults we’d be still feeling aggrieved about it days later!
A perpetual sense of discovery
"I know not how I may seem to others, but to myself I am but a small child wandering upon the vast shores of knowledge, every now and then finding a small bright pebble to content myself with”
- Plato
For a child, the word ‘routine’ is pure anathema. Everything - even the most ordinary objects - has to be investigated, touched, and experienced. Ordinary things like a dog barking in the street or the postman delivering post through the letterbox often have children pointing in open-mouthed wonder. And yet as little as thirty years later, as adults, this constant questioning and discovery of children sometimes irritates us because we have ‘much more important’ things to do! We have the privilege of living on such a beautiful planet, and one way of truly appreciating that is seeing it through the eyes of someone who is discovering everything for the very first time.
Living in the heart
To lose one’s child-heart
Is to lose everything.
- Sri Chinmoy
It is not until we reach early adolescence that our minds become fully developed. It is no coincidence that with the mind’s ascendancy, negative qualities such as doubt, hesitation, and feelings of inferiority or superiority also become ensconced in the human psyche, and our actions are more likely to be determined by the pushes and pulls of society than our inner feelings. However before the mind starts dominating, the heart is to the fore - the spaontaneous, empathetic part of our being that does not plan or calculate, but just spaontaneously acts, creates and discovers. Unlike the mind, the heart has no inhibitions. If you asked a bunch of six year old children “who can paint?” all hands would shoot up; the same question asked to adults might not raise any hands at all! As we grow up, we imbibe very fixed ideas and conventions about what we can and cannot do, but children have no such restrictions - life for them is just one long play session.
The secret of unconditional love
Give a little to love a child, and you get a great deal back.
-John Ruskin
When we give our love to someone, we often do it with the subtle expectations of what the other person should do. Then when the other person doesn’t fulfill those expectations, there can be a great deal of disappointment, hurt, and also increased cynicism about the whole business of love in general. But when a child loves, his love is unconditional, and when he smiles at you can feel it beaming from him like the rays of a sunbeam. It is a kind of love that comes straight from the heart, without preconditions or expectations; it is a pure expression of who he is. This kind of love is something that we can still access as adults - inside the deepest part of our being there is an instinctive yearning to reach out to people, to empathize, and when we give this love to others our own deepest part is fulfilled.
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